3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
