Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
