thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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