i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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