I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
