We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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