the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
