I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
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