dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
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You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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