Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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