well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
