Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
