As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
In America we eat man semen.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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