She went from zero to smokin in five shots
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
