Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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