I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
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You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
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he just fucked me for my cheese.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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