That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
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I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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