I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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