Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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