i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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