Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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