I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
