i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
