I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
