Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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