Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
