It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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