Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
