I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just googled if crying burns calories
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
