I only kidnapped one of them. chill
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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