WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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