It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
