I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
