What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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