I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
