I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
