I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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