Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
