I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
