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just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
