he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
