i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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