in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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