sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
