i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
