Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
