JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
