we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
