I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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