And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
