I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
