I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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