I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
