I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize