wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Come see our sink grown plant.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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