Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
