Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
