after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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