She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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