Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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