I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
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I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
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I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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