I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
