Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
