So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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