her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
