Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
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Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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