i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
