Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
