apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
